Finding Stillness: A Guide to Coping with Loss During the Festive Season

The holiday season is often painted as a time of "perfect" joy, but for many of us, it can be a season of profound absence. When you are grieving, the contrast between your internal pain and the external festivities can feel overwhelming.

As a lifestyle coach, I want to remind you of one thing: There is no "right" way to grieve during the holidays. Healing isn’t about pretending the pain isn’t there; it’s about integrating your loss into your life in a way that honors both your past and your present.

Here are five actionable ways to navigate the season with more grace and a little less weight on your shoulders.

1. Give Yourself a "Permission Slip"

The pressure to "show up" can be exhausting. Before the invites start rolling in, decide what you are actually capable of.

• The Action: Write down a list of things you are giving yourself permission not to do this year.

• Example: "I have permission to skip the office party," or "I have permission to leave Christmas dinner early if I feel overwhelmed." Knowing you have an exit strategy lowers your baseline anxiety.

2. Create a "Legacy Ritual"

Loss leaves a void, but you can fill a small part of that space by intentionally honoring the person you’re missing. Instead of avoiding their memory, invite it in.

• The Action: Create a small, dedicated ritual. Light a specific candle every night in December, cook their favorite recipe, or donate a gift in their name to a charity they loved. This transforms "missing them" into an active tribute.

3. Edit Your Traditions

Just because you’ve done something for 20 years doesn’t mean you have to do it this year. If a certain tradition feels too painful without your loved one, it is okay to put it on hiatus or change it entirely.

• The Action: Identify the "high-trigger" moments (like a specific meal or tree-trimming). Ask yourself: Does this bring me comfort or only pain? If it’s the latter, try something new. Go to a movie, travel, or change the venue of the celebration.

4. Practice the "Buffer Zone"

Grief is physically and mentally taxing. To cope, you need more "buffer" time than usual—time where nothing is scheduled and no one is asking anything of you.

• The Action: Block out "Grief Gaps" in your digital calendar. These are 30-to-60-minute windows after social events or work where you can simply be. Use this time for deep breathing, a walk, or just sitting in silence.

5. Communicate Your Needs Early

Friends and family often want to help but don't know how, which leads to awkward silences or unwanted "cheering up."

• The Action: Send a simple text or email to your inner circle.

• Example: "Hey everyone, I’m struggling a bit this year with [Name]'s absence. I’d love to join for dinner, but I might be a bit quiet or need to head home early. I appreciate you all holding space for me."